Post Number 4

I’m really lazy. I’ll admit that. I don’t like doing things if I don’t have to. I’m perfectly happy to just sit at home on the couch and binge watch tv for hours at a time. Even when it gets to the point that my head hurts and I’m getting jittery from sitting too long, I’ll still just lay there and watch another episode, because sometimes it’s preferable to doing anything else.

I don’t understand how people can be so active. The weather is super nice now, so every day when I get out of work I see people jogging around campus, and getting all gross and hot and sweaty and fit and I’m just like, can I go take a nap?

People say that if you exercise it makes you feel better, makes you have more energy, that it might be hard at first but it gets easier. I’ve never experienced any of that.

I tried running with my boyfriend off and on for a while, and then I had surgery so I had to stop. I barely got a chance to go running again before it was winter, and then we didn’t get much chance to go running then, either. In January I ran a lot for a couple weeks, so that we could run a 5K. It was the first race I’ve ever done, and I didn’t do very well at all (probably because I really had only been running for a couple of weeks). But then less than a week later, I had another surgery, and was unable to do any sort of exercise or anything that could get my pulse up for a while.

Technically, I could go running now. But I just don’t want to. I’m tired, and I don’t feel well and my head hurts and the idea of running is just something I’m greatly opposed to.

When I run, my whole body aches. It’s exhausting. My chest hurts from breathing too hard. My hip hurts really bad, a deep burning ache that gets worse with every step. I had hoped that my hip was something that I had maybe just pulled or strained and that sitting at home, not exercising or doing anything after my surgery would help it heal, but it hasn’t happened. Some days it hurts just to sit in a chair or walk across the room, and I can’t bring myself to run on top of that.

Yes, there are other types of exercise that you can do besides running. But running is free, once you’ve got the shoes, and there aren’t many options for places that I can go here. I’m not paying to join a gym to do some other type of workout class or something.

I just don’t know how to motivate myself to work out at all.